It's a beautiful day for a hangover
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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