dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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