I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
