come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
