Redeem this text for a blowjob
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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