woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
