We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
