you win again, gameday.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
