Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
