I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So. Much. Porn.
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