What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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