Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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