I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
