does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
