Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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