I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
