Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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