I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
