I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
