You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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