there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
