Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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