I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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