I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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