We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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