normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
