i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
