I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just had sex on a roof
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
