Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
