I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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