i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
