Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
