He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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