If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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