Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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