so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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