i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
