Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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