thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
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