She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
