don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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