i was born a porn star she said
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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