im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
