By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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