I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
