Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
