I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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