she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
