you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
