I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
