My first STD was from a foam party
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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