Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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