Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
