By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
