She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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