just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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